Rather than concerning yourself with the results on the scoreboard, keep your eye on the Second Goal of youth sports – the life lessons of teamwork, leadership, resilience, overcoming adversity, and communication skills that sports can teach.
Second Goal Parent: The first goal is the outcome of the game. That is up to the coaches and players. The second goal is teaching life lessons. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of youth sports – we all want our children to succeed. Before your child’s season starts and emotions run high, write down your goals for your child in sports. Keep this list close by and refer back to it throughout the season to help maintain perspective.
Learn the names of the other kids on the team, and during a game cheer positively for all the players…even the other team! You can try “no-verbs cheering” or otherwise limit yourself to shouts of encouragement. Don’t confuse or overwhelm your child by shouting instruction from the stands. In hockey, kids are so far removed from the stands and the game moves so fast, they probably can’t hear parents and certainly can’t process information that quickly.
Consistently and consciously model appropriate behavior. If you want to help an over-exuberant spectator, sometimes all it takes is a glance or a gesture, such as lowering your palms to indicate “calm down.” You can remind them about the role of parents in upholding a positive sports culture.
After the game, resist the temptation to critique. Instead of asking “Did you win?” ask open-ended questions that elicit longer responses, “What was your favorite part of today’s practice?” Kids love sports so much they will even talk to their parents about it! When they do, listen. Put the phones away. Maintain eye contact. Nod and interject and smile so your child knows you’re engaged.
Help your child understand what it means to be a great teammate. Have ongoing conversations with them about being a POSITIVE team leader. At every possible turn, let your children know that you love them unconditionally (by saying it!), regardless of their athletic performance.
Focus on their ELM Tree: Their Effort, what they Learn, and that Mistakes are OK.
Honor the Game (ROOTS) Honor the Rules, Opponents, Officials, Teammates, and Self.
Enjoy your child’s time in youth sports. It is fleeting, and when you look back, you’ll want to think about the positive experiences they enjoyed and life lessons they learned.
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